Light and Hope
by Warmal
Summary: Hikari and Takeru's relationship is complicated as ever. This Christmas, both try their best to finally let their feelings through to each other. But sometimes a misunderstanding can ruin everything. There is always two sides to every story though, and sometimes knowing both sides isn't enough.


"I really hate the winter." Hikari sighed as she stared at the empty ceiling of her bedroom.

Restless eyes shifted from one spot to the other, unable to actually close to try and get a good night's sleep. Finally resigning to the idea of rest, she looked to her clock.

"Seriously?" She cursed. "Five in the morning?"

If she didn't know any better, she'd think that her lack of sleep was from excitement for the coming Christmas party. But her insomnia had started long before December was even a thought in her mind. The bags under her eyes and the heaviness in her heart began ever since Tailmon and the rest of her friend's partner digimon returned to the digital world to help protect it. With the defeat of BelialVamdemon, there was very little evil left in the digital world. But there cannot be light without the darkness. Shortly after, a new evil would rise, and then another, and another after that. Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, and Ken continue to make regular trips to help quell the self proclaimed soon to be rulers of the digital world. However, Hikari and Takeru decided to leave things to the new digidestined. Feeling that they had fought long and hard enough. Both wanted to relish being regular kids, even if just for a little bit. If fate were to ask them to once again take a stand against evil, they would. But until then, they would finally just relax.

Except it wasn't relaxing. At least not for her.

With one last sigh of defeat, Hikari finally pulled herself from her bed. The cold floor sent shivers through her body, making her wish she hadn't kicked her slippers away before laying down. Quickly retrieving them as well as a sweater, she slowly crept through the apartment so as not to make a sound. Though, she didn't fear too much. Her family prided themselves at least somewhat in their ability to sleep through anything. And with how much training Taichi was doing in the soccer off season, nothing less than a giant egg descending from the sky would wake him.

Trying anything she could to get herself to fall asleep, she quickly turned on the television to the weather channel, seeing that they were in for a little bit of light snow in her area. Thoughts of calling Miyako later to go skating crossed her mind, but she quickly remembered that she and the others were going to be in the digital world until the weekend was over. She instinctively felt the digivice clipped to her pajama pants, not even realizing she had grabbed it on her way out of the room.

"Just make yourself busy." She told herself. "Either it'll put you to sleep, finally, or you'll be productive."

With nothing else to do, Hikari found herself in the kitchen, putting all of her efforts into baking cookies. If the sound of the oven didn't wake her family, the smell was sure to. She eyed the clock, spotting that it had only been an hour since she pulled herself from bed. Grumbling about it still being so early, she turned on the radio and poured herself further into her baking.

"Done and done." She wiped a bit of sweat from her brow, the heat from the oven getting a little over whelming for her liking. "Taichi is going to think I'm getting sick again."

Looking over the couple batches of cookies laid out on the counter and table, she wondered if she may have made a little too much.

"I'm sure Taichi and Dad will eat most of them..." She pondered as she looked down at the small set of cookies in front of her, leaning on the counter with a near vice like grip. "Before I knew it, I made Takeru's favourite without even realizing it... I wonder why?"

" _Because he's the most important person to you."_

The words echoed in Hikari's mind, shocking her for a moment. A voice that she had not heard for a long time ringing in her head. With a deep gulp, she reached for the digivice at her waist. Not once did it ever feel as heavy in her hand as it did in the kitchen that morning.

"Tailmon?" She whispered, her own voice sounding distant.

Yet the digivice remained inactive. The small screen showed no light, and no response came. Nearly forgetting about the cookies, she rushed to her computer to see if a gate had been opened without her realizing. But when the screen blinked to life all it showed was her regular desktop. No Tailmon in sight.

"You're just over tired."

"You really need to sleep."

" _Because he's the most important person to you."_

The words hung over her, freezing her body but making her heart rush. Whether her partner was somehow contacting her from another world, or her inner voice was taking making her hear her, it mattered not. The thoughts and feelings Hikari had for Takeru had been slowly growing more and more since the first day they met many years ago. Things had changed so much since their first adventure, but Takeru had always managed to be the same joy and light in her life. Always having her back, always doing whatever he could to protect her. Sometimes it was over baring, but a lot of the time she enjoyed it and the attention. She truly enjoyed just spending the time with him. A part of her figured out long ago that he probably had feelings for her, but she never questioned him about them. She herself never truly knew what her feelings for him were. Whether they were friendship, admiration, comradery, or...

" _Love."_

Hikari quickly shook her head, freeing her thoughts and body from the odd trance it suddenly found itself in. She had her answer, Tailmon wasn't there. And so she returned to the kitchen, digivice still clenched in her hand hard enough to leave a mark. Only to nearly drop it when she spotted Taichi halfway through a batch of cookies.

"Hey!" She said, quickly snatching one from his hand. "Let them cool first."

\\\\\

Quickly the day came and went, bringing with it the darkness and once again the cold. The sky looked as if it was just on the brink of snowing, but something kept it held back, making the whole city feel like it was holding it's breath. The city lights reflected off of the clouds leaving everything in a warm orange glow. Not even the river beneath her seemed to make a sound, making the time it took for Takeru to meet her seem even longer. She subconsciously squeezed the bag under her arm tighter, wondering if maybe he had forgotten.

"Sorry I'm late."

Finally, Takeru came running up, face red from the cold and his run. He doubled over to catch his breath once he reached her.

"Wow, Takeru." Hikari giggled. "Looks like you really need to get back into shape."

"Ha. Ha." Takeru fake laughed, looking up at her with one eye. "You have Yamato to blame for me taking so long. I ran all the way here, trains aren't running tonight."

"Worried about the snow? It hasn't even started yet."

"Guess so. If it was up to me they'd still be running. It's not like a little snow will hurt them."

As Takeru said that he stood up, forcing Hikari to look up into his sparkling blue eyes. His long winter coat with it's faux fur trimmed hood somehow made him feel even taller. She wasn't too much shorter than him, but she had hoped her growth spurt would at least catch her up to him a little more. Fate was not on her side though. At almost the same time, he reached his, keeping him just that much above her. Not that he'd ever flaunt it or hold it against her. It just turned into one thing Hikari wished she could hold onto for just a short time.

"Everything okay?" His voice caught her off guard. "Something on my face?"

"Huh? No, everything's fine."

"You sure? It's just that you're staring."

"A-am I?" Hikari could feel her face grow warm with blush. She hadn't meant to get lost in thought and keep staring at him. Something just made her fall into his eyes all of a sudden. "Sorry." She turned away, trying to hide her face with her pink scarf. "I think I'm just tired is all."

"We don't have to go then. I can walk you back." Takeru said.

Like always, he instantly started making sure she was okay. It was these moments that always brought a smile to her face and her heart beat that much harder. Tailmon's words continued to repeat in her mind, and she was really starting to believe that maybe they were true. Maybe Takeru was more that just her closest friend. Perhaps he was the one that she truly loved. They had always been a pair, ever since their first adventure. It wouldn't be odd if at any point they did start dating. She had even heard from Sora and Mimi on an occasion or two that they expected it. Yet, in spite of all that, she just found something holding her back.

"No." She said. "I'm okay. We should probably get going. Or else we'll both have to say Yamato made us late."

Thankfully they wouldn't have to walk far to get to the karaoke club their classmates had chosen. And it wasn't one that would be walked in silence. The cool evening was nearly void of cars and traffic. Couples littered the sidewalks and plazas, as was to be expected on Christmas Eve. But there was no worries of their conversation being overheard. Everyone was too preoccupied with their dates to notice the two teens. And it was time that was well cherished. Even without having to save the world, the two found themselves rather busy in their lives. Finding time to spend just the two of them was getting more and more difficult.

"So you haven't been sleeping well?" Concern lined Takeru's voice, and Hikari noticed he was avoiding her eyes as she answered.

"No. But it's not that bad." She answered in half truth. "I was able to take the extra time this morning to bake cookies."

Takeru lightly bumped himself against her, sending a surging shock through her body. "Really? Did you bring me any? I'd love to have some."

Hikari's hand clenched at her bag. She had brought his favourite cookies with her. Wrapped up nicely in a light green bag. Reluctant to give them to him though, as they had promised to not get Christmas gifts for each other. Using the excuse to not leave out any of their other friends. In reality, she didn't want it to start carrying more weight than intended. Not even knowing what she intended by them.

"Sorry..."

"No worries." The cheerfulness she had grown fond of in his voice returned. "Maybe I'll get to try some another time. I wouldn't mind helping you bake them."

The notion of them baking together made her uncharacteristically freeze up for a moment, making her continue to stutter over her words. The battle of her feelings for the boy going back and forth. Seeing her in sudden distress, Takeru let out a chuckle, covering his mouth with his fist to try and not be rude. It was at that moment that Hikari noticed the bandages covering parts of his fingers.

"Are you okay?!" She quickly asked, dropping the inner thoughts. Out of instinct, she grabbed his hand to check over him. It wasn't only Takeru that had developed a sort of guardian stance in their friendship. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Takeru said quickly. He pulled his hand away, shoving it into his jacket pocket with great speed. "Just got banged up last night. Took a small fall."

"That's not really like you."

"Well, Patamon's voice shocked me a little."

"You heard Patamon?" The statement from his had came out nonchalantly, but it held a much deeper meaning to Hikari than he knew.

"No." Takeru quickly back tracked. "I thought I did for a moment. It was really clear. But he wasn't there. I checked frantically, but nothing. Maybe I need some sleep myself." He laughed about it.

"It's kind of strange that we both did."

"You heard Patamon?" Takeru asked, accidentally mimicking her.

"No, Tailmon. Or at least I thought I did."

Hikari explained her own experience from the morning. Carefully avoiding exactly what it was she had heard Tailmon say. It appeared that they had a similar experience. One a little too convenient to just be coincidental. The questions and wonder over what they had heard quickly over took the conversation the whole way to the karaoke club. However, it only added to swirling thoughts and feelings that was slowly growing in Hikari's mind.

\\\\\

Karaoke was loud. It was always loud. This time it felt like it was even louder than usual to Hikari though. Her friends were all having the times of their lives. Time seemed to melt around them as they sang the night away. Not everyone who had said they would show up did, but it was more than Hikari had expected. The room was nearly packed with their classmates. And the spots that weren't taken up by a person seemed to be where everyone's coats and bags had found themselves thrown.

It was nothing but fun though. Singing, eating, and drinking with friends that they didn't normally spend a whole lot of time with only strengthened the bonds they made in the classroom. Hikari even found herself talking to some girls from class she hadn't before. But the music and singing forced everyone to yell even if they were only inches from one another. Hikari and Takeru sang a couple of songs together, after much persuasion from their friends.

Blurred vision and a fast hitting headache left Hikari dizzy for a moment. The conversation she was having with her classmate, Hanako, went right over her head. The more she tried to focus, the more it seemed to get worse. With each passing moment the room seemed to spin faster and faster, until the edges of her vision slowly started to go dark.

"Excuse me." She said.

Without another word she stood up, almost knocking over her drink in the process. Not quite as fast as she would have liked, Hikari was out of the room. Her jacket was in hand and quickly flung over her shoulders in a quick make-shift blanket as she stormed through the hall dying for fresh air.

As soon as the bone chilling winter air hit her skin, she almost wished she was back inside. The city lights nearly blinded her, but the otherwise darkness soon made it easy enough to look around. She hadn't realized how much time she had been inside. The streets were already nigh deserted, and the Christmas Illumination was slowly being put out one set of lights at a time. Dark clouds continued to blow overhead, making promise of a soon blanket of white. Even as the cold air stung at her face, Hikari was stuck in place. Frozen. Not from the winter, but just the sweet relief of breaking away. The loud noise was gone, the dizziness was starting to fade, and her eyesight was already back in focus. With a moment to think and breath, she suddenly found her mouth completely dry.

"Here."

A bottle of water gently floated up before her. Without even questioning where it came from, she grabbed it and broke the seal, the sweet liquid refreshing her instantly.

"I thought you might need that." The gentle voice said.

Hikari's eyes darted up to the face smiling down at her. Takeru was there for her once again. Maybe not in as dire a situation as in the past, but the sentiment was there none the less.

"Thanks, Takeru." Hikari smiled up at him, shivering as another gust of air blew past the two.

"You should put your coat on before you catch cold." Takeru wrapped the scarf around Hikari left behind around her neck, letting her feel the soft warmth take away the bitter sting.

"I'm okay." She said reassuringly, getting her coat on properly. "Just needed to get out of there for a second.. Sorry for making you come out here after me. I'll be back in a minute if you want to head inside."

"Don't be sorry. I'm out here because I want to be."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're here."

Takeru's eyes stayed completely focused on her. Letting through his care and concern. Studying each and every tell of her features. Hikari was sure he was trying to see if she was actually alright, and she knew without a doubt that he could tell she wasn't. With the lack of sleep and long day, the night out was just a little too taxing for her. Even she could tell she really needed the sleep, she could almost feel the bags forming under her eyes. And if she was able to feel it, she was sure he could see it. And yet, there wasn't a single hint of pity in his eyes, only compassion. At first, she wanted to feel bad for taking him away from the fun. Even if she didn't ask him to come after her she should have known he would have. He always had. He always would. She couldn't hold back the smile that slowly formed on her face. And the reaction it got from Takeru would always be treasured. As if the entire world had been lit around him, a growing pink upon his cheeks that may or may not have been from the cold.

"Um..." He began, his eyes darting around as his hand fumbled a bit in his coat pocket. "I actually have a confession to make."

Hikari's heart skipped a beat.

"W-what is it?"

Takeru took a deep breath, stilling himself for a moment. The brief second seemed to linger for minutes as the two were locked in stare. Once broken free, Takeru pulled his hand out, leaving a small pink bag dangling from his closed fingers just in front of her.

"I know we weren't supposed to get anything for each other." Takeru said. His voice was shaking with nerves. "But this is for you."

"For me?" Hikari was stunned. "Are you sure?"

Takeru nodded. It wasn't the confession she expected, and she couldn't help but feel a slight disappointment with what it turned out to be. That small flicker quickly faded as she accepted the small gift with a smile. The ribbon slipping away to reveal a small, clearly hand made charm.

"Takeru!" She exclaimed in shock. "It's the-"

"Crest of Light." Takeru finished for her. "You can loop it on your phone, or camera, or anything you want. It'll be the only one like it. The paint glows in the dark too. So it's light will always be found, no matter how much the darkness tries to take it. Just like you."

Hikari was utterly speechless, completely captivated by the small charm. The sentiment and thought was incredible. Filled with more meaning than any passing glance could comprehend. As she looked down at the crest, Takeru's bandaged hand came into focus just past her finger. Marks all along the charm showing the amount of time and effort put into toiling over the rough wood, Cutting, carving, sanding, painting. So much care put into each and every movement. There was not an inkling of a doubt that he had managed to scratch or cut himself a couple of times. Each and every bandage was proof of this. Takeru would wear each of them as a badge of pride, all the while not telling what they were truly from. It wasn't in his nature to make her worry over him.

The Crest of Light would always mean a great deal to Hikari. Having to battle against the darkness inside her, to the point of almost being lost in it. She had to wonder at times if her crest was truly meant to be hers. But Takeru never doubted it for a second. And this small token was a giant reminder of that. The caring.

"Love."

Tailmon's voice returned again, this time it being no questions or doubts to Hikari's mind. Just a simple statement that not only rang true for herself, but for the young man in front of her. Everything they had done together, everything he had done for her, rushing through her mind in that moment. His focused eyes looking intently at her, making her short of breath. Little mattered at that moment in time. Not her lack of sleep, not missing her best friend, and not the stressful night. Just Takeru.

"I should have done something for you." She said. It felt like an eternity passed since she first held the charm.

"Oh no." Takeru replied. His smile lit up as she held the small charm tightly before carefully putting it in her pocket. "I'm just really glad you like it. I don't need anything.

"Even so. You went to such trouble..." Her mind raced as she thought of what she could do for him. "Oh wait!" She started backing up as she remembered that she brought the cookies she had made that morning. Tucked carefully in her bag back in the room with everyone. "Wait right there." She told him as she took a few steps back. "I have something for you."

Before Takeru could answer, Hikari was already rushing back inside. When she lay awake that morning, she had no idea that the night was going to head in this direction. Perhaps she secretly had hoped it would though. Otherwise she wouldn't have made his favourite cookies. No, this is where her heart was headed to since the beginning. If anything, she cursed herself for taking this long to make up her mind. Now her feet were powered with a new found energy as she sprinted through the halls.

As she took the final corner before their friend's room, a flash of brown hair and a green knit cap caught her eye just in time to jump out of the way.

"Hikari? Are you okay?"

The light voice of one of her friends brought her back to reality. She had been in such a rush she almost ended up hurting herself and someone else. Even the excitement she was feeling quickly turned to concern. It wouldn't have been good for her to get injured while getting Takeru's present. He wouldn't have been happy about that at all.

"I'm fine, Chiharu." She said as she bowed. "Sorry about that."

"It's okay." Chiharu flashed a smile, waving for Hikari to stand up. "You rushed out so quickly earlier. I was worried."

"Thank you. I'm alright though."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely. In fact, I've never been better." The smile on Hikari's face brought light to the even the bright fluorescent hall. "I just needed some fresh air. Takeru came to check up on me."

"He did?"

"Yeah." She said with a nod. "I just needed to go back to grab something quick. Sorry again."

Chiharu's response fell on deaf ears. Once again, Hikari was quickly heading back to the room. This time with a little more caution. She had always been one to jump to things quickly. Not wanting anything or anyone to ever hold her back.

Stepping back into the karaoke room, it seemed like not a thing had changed. Except for the new additions of food plates and drink glasses. The music was still just as loud, and the atmosphere just as cramped. Receiving a few words of concern and questions, she quickly assured everyone that she was fine as she searched through the pile of bags for her own. It must have been made apparent that she was fine and just looking for something, as her friends quickly went back to what they were doing without paying her any extra mind. It wasn't long before she finally found her bag, with the cookies tucked safely inside. The small wrapping eagerly waiting to be ripped open by it's soon to be owner.

Not a doubt was in her mind that Takeru would enjoy them. Which made her heart break even more as she reached the street once again. The images of Takeru waiting for her with a smile shattered over the very real sight of Chiharu and Takeru talking, smiling, and laughing. Her stomach fell as Takeru's eyes light up at his and her conversation, not even noticing Hikari a few steps away.

"You don't think this confession is too sudden?" Chiharu said bashfully.

"Not at all." Takeru said the final words that would push Hikari away from him unbeknownst. "I couldn't be happier really. You should come over to my apartment tomorrow actually if you're not too busy."

Christmas Day. A day for couples to be together. With that, the bag of cookies Hikari made with all her love and care for Takeru fell from her hand, and her heart. Finally, light specks of snow began to gently fall. As if the sky was finally letting it's icy tears coat the city.

As a stray flake floated onto Takeru's nose, he looked up towards the darkly lit sky. As his gaze came back down, it happened upon Hikari, making her tense suddenly. She had thought there was something there between them. But not it was clear it was all unrequited. She had thought Takeru loved and cared about her, and maybe he did. Not as mush as Hikari did for him though. They were friends. Ones who grew up together. Grew through so much more than children their age should ever be expected to. But just because two people go through a life changing adventure together, doesn't mean they'll for sure end up together. That was something for stories and fairy tales. Something Hikari's life seemed to be somewhat missing. All she wanted was to go home, and be alone with her thoughts. If there had ever been a time she wished Tailmon was there with her more than now, she couldn't think of it.

Takeru took a step forward with a smile, and Hikari took a step back averting her eyes. It was childish and petty, but it was too difficult to look at him now. All she could see was the hope he brought to her crumble with every passing second.

"What's wrong?" He asked with determined care.

Always caring. She wondered if that was all real or if it was just in her head as well. Something she read too much into. Would he have gone so far and above for the others if they were in the same situations she was? Could it all have been just because they were partner's in the fight against evil? Perhaps it was all just because of the obligation they had to each other from being friends for so long. Now the charm in her pocket seemed to be weighted with all these thoughts and doubts. It hurt just knowing it was in her pocket.

"Nothings wrong?" She said a little more coldly than she intended. "It's getting late."

Takeru lifted a hand to reach out for her, but Hikari pulled away again.

"Hikari-"

"Oh my gosh is it that late already!?" Chiharu yelled as she looked at her phone. "Oh no, I'm going to be so dead. My parents expected me back hours ago. I hope the trains are still running."

An out. The perfect escape Hikari needed to get away. It was as if her prayers to be alone were answered. "You should walk her home. It's late and dangerous to be out alone."

"But you?" Takeru started before Hikari eyed him down.

"Can take care of myself. You should know that by now."

"You can but-"

"No 'buts.' I'm fine. I'll be fine on my way home."

She hoped her voice didn't sound as painful to them as it did in her head. It took everything she had just to keep herself from crying. Feeling so stupid to put her feelings into Takeru before truly knowing how he felt. Again she urged them to go, and finally he backed down.

It didn't take long for Chiharu to quickly start back up about whatever it was she and Takeru were talking about earlier. Hikari didn't bother to listen. It could only end up making things worse. Without looking back, she started making her way home after grabbing her bag. The sounds of singing had died down as everyone slowly realized how late it had become. The desolate empty streets were her only company as the apartment complex slowly came into view. Yet, despite everything that happened, not a single tear ever did fall. The salty burn never crossed her cheeks or fell into the soft blanket of snow. Nothing came, and she felt nothing about it all.

"Maybe I didn't really love him. I don't know anymore." She said to herself in resignation. A sharp breeze sent an icy shiver down her spine. "I really hate the winter."


End file.
